tuesday blues day

hey dudes

well...moved into my new house which is awsome. Been sorting things like phonmes bills, electricity adn water boring stuff like that. ON the other hand have been partrying and have ajob which I actually quite like or am beginning too. Ive been seeing this guy called steve for about two weeks, he's 25 and studying events management at leeds met. We started cool, just going for drinks and having a laugh but I feel like I actually like him which makes me realise I shouldn't see him anymore cause he wants an open relationship and I can't be bothered getting jealous and girlie over him - fuck that its so tiring.
I was feeling pretty stable over the past coupla weeks, happy and just drifting although I had a lot of things to do and worry about. Then when I heard about the london bombing, it triggered my worry button and I went into over drive. I don't know how it happenend or for how long I went into myself and lost all feeling of the world around me. I looked down and found I had made two ugly gashes with a swrew driver of all things argh so annoying. I wished I hadn't after wards and tried to remember its motive and realised its a mixture of everything going on in my tiny brain. I kinda worried about myself but IM keeping it quiet. Need to get some more councelling maybe - but that never seems to help. I HAVE TO HELP MYSELF. I HAVE TO HELP MYSELF- but im not so does that mean I don't actually want to help myself or maybe I don't have the courage.

courage.
never enough to go around.
courage can be found.
deep deep down.
not under the skin
but deep in me
need to open my eyes
look inside and see

x